Taking captive every thought

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, 

and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

I sure wish grief wasn't such a battle. It is a constant fight to reign in my thoughts and control the direction in which they want to go. Next Sunday is the one year anniversary of our son's homegoing. As it draws near, the temptations mount. I don't why I continue to be surprised by them. They have become all too familiar by now. Not only is grief hard work, grief is educating.

The assaults take various forms, but they are persistent. There is the temptation to:

• swear
• drink - to excess
• dwell on the accident 
• re-live over and over the details of the day
• think bitter/angry thoughts
• allow grief to take the form of anger/impatience 
• withdraw/pull away from others
• let grief become my identity
• sink into depression/"check" out
• believe lies
• focus on our loss and thoughts of what will never be

BUT I REFUSE. I refuse because I know God is good. I know He is Sovereign. I know He has a plan. I know that this is not where we belong. I know that He is trustworthy and faithful. But all that's not to say it's easy. It's not to say it's not without a struggle. There's a reason the Bible says to contend for your faith. (Jude 1:3) There's a reason the Apostle Paul says he "fought the good fight" and has "finished the race." It is not easy. BUT....BUT, I do not do this alone. This grief thing, this journey, is not traveled alone. Nor is it traveled in my strength. I have no strength of my own. It is all of God's. I am weary. I am broken. I am a mess. I fail daily. BUT GOD...He will enable me to endure, to stand on the heights. (Habakkuk 3:19) He will be the lifter of my head...and my heart. (Psalm 3:3)