Monday, June 25, 2012


Realized the past few weeks that I've been angry. Angry and again, asking God, "Why? Why us? Why couldn't it have been someone else's child? Why couldn't it have been some other family?" I really think it's been difficult because the past few weeks have been nothing but graduation invitations/announcements and hearing about their child's plans for the future. Just unintentional salt in the wound, a reminder of what will never be. *sigh* It hurts. And while they sit and plan a joyous graduation, I'm planning a one-year "remembrance." It sucks. The month of June is almost over, too, which means the 29th is coming up. I say "good riddance" to June. :(

I've had to work a lot harder at reminding myself that Matt is alive, that Heaven is waiting, and that God has a plan, even if I don't understand it. I'm trusting that God is holding on to me, 'cause I don't have the strength, or even the desire, to hold on to Him. But I know He is faithful. He will not let me go.  He will get me/us through this.

ETA:  My statement about it being "some other family" was raw emotion and pain speaking. I would never wish this horrible grief on someone else. I simply meant that I want my son back. I wish it had never happened. But the sad truth is, it has happened to other families. I know we are not alone. :(


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