Painful realities

Tomorrow marks an entire month since my 16yo. son fulfilled his purpose here on earth and died an earthly death. Yet he lives in heaven and is with God, alive and worshiping the Almighty for ever and ever.

For me and my Dh, it is still unreal, though we have hope of eternity. It is still gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, and daily accompanied with tears. The waves of grief are incessant in their rhythm and, though constant, they are erratic.

Tonight was a rare night where I made dinner. It was in preparing dinner, that the waves of grief came rolling in. I realized then why meal times are so difficult. It's because that's when Matt's absence, for me, is most obvious. It's not only the empty spot at the table, but more so when I count the plates, 9, the silverware, 9, the cups, 9. It was always nine. And now it's eight. Crash of the waves, tide incoming.

If it wasn't for the assurance, comfort, and truth of God's word, the support of family and friends, and the ministering of worship music, I surely would have been pulled under the rip current and drowned.

Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

I know that God is with me, my husband, and my children. I know that He carries me. He is my shield, my fortress, my deliverer, my rock in whom I take refuge. (Ps. 18:2)  I know that under the shadow of His wings, there is a place of safety. (Ps. 36:7) I know that He loves me. And it is this reminder that carries me through the waters and puts me safely upon the shore once more.