Fear

I will cry to God Most High,
To God who accomplishes all things for me.

Psalm 57:2 

After losing a child, fear seeks to establish itself. It becomes a follower, lurking in the shadows, stalking. It waits for opportune moments to ambush. Moments like when one of your other children gets sick, or undergoes surgery. Moments like driving in the vehicle and encountering accident scenes. Moments when you think of the future, of certain situations or scenarios, and wonder how you're going to get through it. (Whatever it is.)

But the LORD does not intend for His children to live in fear. I've heard that the Bible says, "Do not be afraid," "Fear not," and "Do not fear" an estimated 365 times. Interesting, huh? Whether the number is a hundred percent accurate or not really isn't a big issue with me because I tend to be a "big picture" person anyway, and what I get out of that is this: God does not want His children to live in fear.

I think it's accurate to say that fear is conquered by courage. Courage is acting in spite of fear, not the absence of fear. Courage is "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."(2 Cor. 10:5) Courage is refusing to let your mind go where it wants to go. Courage is choosing not to believe fear's lies. It's choosing to replace fear with the truth.

But I think there's more to it than just courage. I think it boils down to trust. Trusting that the LORD has not left me. Trusting that He is still good. Trusting that He purposes good and not evil for my future and for the future of my family.

I had a 2 1/2 hour drive yesterday with the three youngest children along for the ride. Passing a cemetery, I heard our five year old comment to his three year old brother that cemeteries are for people who died. It broke my heart to hear the conversation. It sucks that my five year old knows what death is. It sucks that he knows what it's like to see a casket lowered into the ground with his big brother's body in it. IT SUCKS!!! What five year old needs to know this or have conversations about it?????? I catch myself at times wondering what the death of my son is doing, or going to do, to his siblings. But I know that is fear talking!

Fear robs a person of peace. Fear does not come from God. God is love, and perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:8,18)  Death and grief have already robbed my family of so much. It is destructive and decimates numerous lives. BUT GOD...But God is my redeemer. He makes all things new. He binds up the broken hearted, saves those who are crushed in spirit, and brings beauty from ashes. This is the one that amazes me the most; beauty from ashes. Have you ever made anything beautiful from ashes? Really, can anything beautiful be made from ashes? Hmm. Makes me think. If this is what God says He will do, then am I going to believe it? Am I going to kick fear in the face and allow the LORD to work on my sorrow-filled heart, to bring healing and beauty from what looks unsalvageable and impossible? These moments of fear bring me to my Redeemer. For that, I am thankful. I certainly have no idea what it's going to look like, BUT GOD does.