Tucked Drama boy into bed tonight and as I did, I asked him the usual, "What should we pray for tonight? What can we say to God?" He replied, "For Matthew to come back." It just breaks my heart to see my children hurting. I explained to him that people in heaven don't come back, but the great thing was that some day we would go there and be reunited and get to see Matt again. Drama boy answered that with, "Then we have to die in a car crash." *sigh* Oh, such tough things for a four year old little boy to process. I answered by saying that people die in all kinds of different ways, but if we have Jesus in our hearts, then we can go to heaven when it's our time to go. Ugh. Never in my life would I have imagined talking to my four year old about the death of his beloved 16yo. brother.
I hate, absolutely hate, that Matt's siblings will grow up without him. It breaks my heart. I have lost my son, but they have lost their brother. Both are an incredible loss. Yet I must trust God. As hard as the truth is at times, like now, I have to trust God that, for whatever reason, he thinks differently. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8)
Tonight's small group session also reminded me of that very thing. Just as Joseph's life, I'm sure, didn't go the way Joseph had planned, neither does ours. But God is in the details and he also knows the big picture. I am his child, and he loves me. My life is more than this life. With God's power, I'll get through this. It won't be painless. It won't be quick. But God will use this mess for good. I won't be foolish or naive, but nor will I despair. With God's help, I know, I will get through this. (Max Lucado series "You'll Get Through This") I also have to believe that my children will get through this. It is by no accident that we found this study at this particular time. What precious truths to cling to!