“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
The past several weeks have been spent wrestling with the question, "Do I still trust God?" After being taken through things I don't understand (the loss of my son), I'm left feeling afraid. Afraid of God. Afraid of being hurt like this again. I'm just not sure I can trust God any more. He's hurt me so deeply. Yet He is Sovereign. He is good. He is my Savior. My faith is in Him, though my trust has been shaken to the core. I've been afraid to admit it, too. But He beckons me to come to Him with these fears, these doubts, and this difficulty. I don't understand why the LORD, in His Sovereignty, has allowed such a deep, devastating hurt.
It's been many long, strenuous-filled weeks, but Sunday was a step forward. I sat in church listening to a group of about 30 men sing and tell their stories of how they're overcoming drug and alcohol addiction through being enrolled in the MN Adult and Teen Challenge program. These are brave men who have faced their past honestly, and who, with courage and hope in the LORD, are moving forward. They're trusting God to redeem some pretty horrible choices, mistakes, and abuses in their lives. As these men were sharing their stories, I was hit with the realization that they, and their lives, will show others what God can do. God is taking the broken, ugly, horrific circumstances of their lives and creating a breathtaking mosaic. Then it struck me. That's what He can do with mine. If I let Him. If I trust Him.
Hebrews 10:31 says, "It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God." The question now is, "Am I going to ruled by fear or will I trust Love?" ("...God is love." 1 John 4:8) Jesus Christ, who died for me, is waiting patiently with outstretched arms for me to trust Him. Tragedy can cause even a righteous man like Job to question God. It's not wrong to question the LORD, but it is wrong to not submit to His authority, and to put ourselves in His place.
Job starts out well by saying, "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”(Job 2:10b) But as Job's trial continues and he grows weary of pain and grief, wishing he had never been born, God reminds him of who He is. He puts Job in his place and basically tells him that He is God and Job is not. He reminds Job that He is the Creator and Job is the created.(Isaiah 29:16, 45:9) He is God Almighty, and I am not.
I don't know how God is going to redeem this sorrow or how He can bring beauty from ashes. But that's okay. Because all I have to do is bring Him the pieces and trust Him to create a masterpiece. Praying that I would trust the Creator.