I've been really struggling again, but it's not with the question of why or how. It's with the question of what. What's true? What is the purpose of life? What is the point of all this? What if it's (heaven, eternity) not all true? What if God's promises aren't real?
Whew. Talk about doubt. Grief's first cousin is doubt. It's one thing I didn't do much of before. Doubt. My trust in God used to come so easily before. Now, I'm not so sure. It's much more of a battle to defeat doubt, and faith is much more of a fight to keep. Yet, I am so relieved that none of it matters! None of my doubt changes God at all. He is still who He says He is. He can still do what He says He will do. I am still who He says I am.
He says He is able. He says He is trustworthy. He says He cannot lie. He says He is love. He says there is purpose. He says He knows. He says He sees. He says faith is believing without seeing. He says He is faithful. He says I am redeemed. I am chosen and dearly loved. He says I am sealed and no one, not even myself or my doubt, can take me from His hand. When I don't have the strength to hold on, He does. He upholds me. He restores me. He forgives me. He is with me.
I heard this song for the first time this week, too. Perfect timing.