For the moment, this moment, I can say I'm o.k. I don't know when the next wave of grief will hit, but for this moment, I'm not out to sea. I am learning to really appreciate the good moments, and try to roll with the bad. Thinking I would never say, "I'm o.k." again and actually saying it, surprises the heck out of me. In fact, it's a miracle, if you ask me. Even if it's more of a knee-jerk response, I still never would have thought I could say it again. It's kinda funny, though, because the few times I've answered, "I'm o.k.", in my head, however, I am adding, "For this moment, anyway."
It's been a rough several weeks. Once again, I am back on antibiotics. Three weeks ago, I had trouble with allergies, which, in itself, is unbelievable, because I haven't had problems with them in over 25 years!!! (I suffered horribly with allergies when I lived in TN.) All thanks to Old Man Winter for being absent this year, my allergies not only returned, but took a turn for the worse and developed into a bronchial infection. So, after three miserable weeks, I now have a round of antibiotics, prednisone, and Diflucan. Lovely. To add to the health issues, Sweet Stuff also has strep throat for the fourth time. *sigh*
Many times, due to all the sickness we've had the past 8 months, I catch myself sarcastically thinking, "Thanks a lot, Matt." Yet I know it's really not his fault. The truth is, it's death's fault...and death entered through sin. Sin, and therefore sickness, entered the world a long time ago, and unfortunately, because of that, the loss of a loved one doesn't just affect us emotionally, but physically as well. Grief throws such a punch to the body and it's immune system. It's very humbling. For someone who really abhors taking synthetic drugs/medicine, I'm incredibly thankful for them right now.
But for all the illness lately, there have been good moments, though bittersweet. Mr. Monkey and Drama boy both had birthdays this past week. Unfortunately, the stupid camera or SD card wouldn't work, however, so I have no pictures of them on their special day. :( Those moments are gone, just like that, not to be gotten back. Makes me very sad. I did, however, manage to get pictures of their cake. Not sure why those ended up being read by the SD card/camera, but I guess beggars can't be choosy. I uploaded the photos of the cake to the photo album link.
In other "good" news, I got an iPad! It's quite fun. I checked out a Karen Kingsbury e-book this afternoon from the library, so I'm excited to read it. Not exactly sure how I'm going to actually find the time to do that, but the idea is simply lovely! :)
Anyway - for the moment, I am relieved that the waves of grief are slowing down. Thanks be to God.