Wednesday, April 29, 2015

3 years and 9 months

Three years and nine months ago today my 16yr. old son was airlifted by helicopter to a hospital an hour and a half away. He never made it to the hospital, however. Instead, he flew into glory before the flight ended. He was instantly made perfect in heaven while our hearts were instantly broken, shattered into a billion, unrecognizable pieces.

The second, however, that grief stepped in, grace took over. For the past three years and nine months, God has continued to bring healing and hope to our broken hearts. They will never be the same, for we bear on our hearts the scars of grief. Death leaves a mark, but it is a mark that evidences survival, evidence of a God that loves us so much, that won't leave us to tend to our wounds alone.

As this difficult week seemingly draws on and on, I am thankful for the reminder of His love. I am pondering the lyrics of the song, "How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band. My heart lies prostrate, soaking up truth like a sunbather on the beach soaking up the sun's rays. I am particularly struck by this line: "I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,..." How it comforts me to know how great His love is toward me and how, someday, all of these afflictions will be eclipsed by glory.

My heart hurts. It hurts so much that words fail me. But I can listen. And listen I will to God's truth, spoken by so many brothers and sisters in Christ. They are precious to me, these words. I gasp for truth. It becomes my oxygen on these days when grief squeezes the air from my lungs. I needed to be reminded of God's love and all that remains. Ann Voskamp's post today was my "God-nod." Ann writes:

"...our broken bones can be re-memembered when we remember to thank a good God...

When we stop seeing reasons to give thanks, we stop thinking there are reasons to live.
 When we don’t focus on what we can thank God for, we can’t focus on living for God. 
Giving thanks can help us want to take —
the next breath."
I give thanks for Jesus who also bears the scars of death. (John 20:24-29) He is the grace I need, the reason I live.

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