Sibling grief

Last night during the tornado warnings our nine year old came over to me and said, “If Matt were here and still alive, I’d feel safer with him, Mom.”

This is grief. This is the heart of a little boy who misses his big brother. Still. Next month, it will be five years since he’s seen his big brother. My heart breaks for him and the rest of his siblings. I hurt for them because this is something I can’t fix. Though he has five other siblings, he misses the one that’s not here.

Sibling grief is hard. My kids see other siblings together and still wish their big brother were here. It doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate the siblings they still have. In fact, I daresay they appreciate them even more. It simply means they long for the brother they no longer have.

That sibling you don’t get along with? Tell them you love them today. Just do it. Whether the relationship stinks or not, remind them that there’s a nine year old little boy who wishes he had one more day with his brother. There are no do-overs in this life. This is it. Even if the relationship with your brother or sister isn’t what you wish it would be, call, text, or write them and tell them you love them today.

Weeping with those who weep

For a week now, one of our daughters has been struggling deeply. She misses her brother terribly. She asked if it was always going to be like this, if it would ever get better. She said she was afraid that she'd never stop crying. She doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything or see anybody. I remember feeling exactly that way in the beginning, as well.

I cried with her. I hurt with her. I hurt for her. I feel helpless. Helplessness is a horrible feeling, for I know there is nothing I can do; I can not take away her pain. I can, however, point her to God, who is our comforter. I can speak truth to her. I can offer what little comfort I have to her with the comfort which I myself have received. (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

I told her that it wouldn't always be this painful; it will get better, but it will take a long, long time. I told her that the tears will eventually be fewer and farther between. I told her that God understands and because He understands, we can be honest with Him. (Isaiah 53:3) Then I asked her if she would like to wear my eternity necklace that has Matt's name engraved on it. She's been wearing it since. I also told her she could sleep with his blanket/comforter (the one he used to have on his bed) if she wanted, which she has. She went to GriefShare with me on Monday, as well.

All I can do is pray for her, speak God's truth to her, and give her the right tools for how to deal with her grief. She's painted this week, too. What writing is to me, painting is to her. I'm thankful she has an outlet. In the meantime, I weep with my daughter.