Matt's 21st birthday

Most of our close family and friends know the following 21 things about Matt. But Matt has been gone for over four and a half years, and many new friends have since come into our lives, friends who wonder who he was, who desire to catch a glimpse of this boy of mine who would now be an adult, a young man of 21.

I want them to know Matt as much as they can even if he's not here. Like every bereaved parent, I don't want my child to be forgotten. I want people to ask about Matt. Parents love to talk about their kids, and bereaved parents are no different. It is a tremendous gift when we are given the opportunity, to not only talk about the ones here with us, but about the ones with whom we will someday be reunited. We take joy in our kids, both those who remain with us and those with whom we ache to see again.

For Matt's 21st birthday, I compiled a list of 21 things about Matt. Sticking to just twenty-one things is like asking me to pick my favorite book! There are too many good ones to choose from, but I exercised self-control and plucked from my shelf of memories whatever came to mind first.

21 Things About Matt:

1.  a deep thinker (It's partly where he got his nickname of "Mr. Stoic.")
2.  favorite color was blue (cerulean...look it up ;) )
3.  a smirk = a smile
4.  liked playing Poker
5.  could suck down a McDonald's Mocha Frappe faster than anyone
6.  enjoyed playing ping pong several times a week with the "Pong" group from Bethel
7.  favorite snack was Cheez-Its
8.  ate a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats cereal every night before bed
9.  avid bird watcher - his favorite was the Indigo Bunting
10.  liked playing chess
11.  liked playing tennis - though he was the least athletic kid!
12.  liked playing golf - albeit only in our yard!
13.  loved Trout Lake Camp - one of his favorite places to go (ours, too.)
14.  Green Bay Packer fan - What can I say? He knew how to pick 'em. ;)
15.  Bethel Media Technician - he loved his job behind the scenes
16.  enjoyed learning Spanish - I like to think he liked Spanish because I always called him "Mateo" as a little boy. ;)
17.  favorite candy was Spearmint Starlight Mints
18.  loved playing LOTRO (Lord of the Rings online)
19.  loved his brothers and sisters deeply - especially when each was a baby
20.  brilliant with computers, especially troubleshooting and repair (He placed 1st in PC Troubleschooting & Repair and 3rd in Java Programming at the State Regional Competition level in 2011.)
21. loved Jesus

On this milestone of a birthday, I can't help but be tempted to wonder and ponder the "What if's." Yet I know the "What if's" are unproductive, so I will turn them instead into "God knows." God knows every step I take. He knows every tear I shed. God knows the broken places that remain.

The broken places, however, are not the only thing to remain. I have hope. I have faith. And I have love. Love for God and love for my son.

On Matt's birthday this year, his 21st, I'd like to give away 21 Mocha Frappes. Will you join me in remembering Matt? On May 2nd, would you send me a picture, post a reply, or email me with your story of how you blessed someone with a Mocha Frappe in memory of Matt and in celebration of his 21st birthday? 

***If finances are a challenge, no worries. It's really not about Mocha Frappe's. It's about telling a bereaved parent that you remember their child, you acknowledge their loss.  

Go Around Again!

Do you remember the book "Go, Dog. Go!" by P.D. Eastman? Well, I do. I've only read it, say, a million or two times to all seven of my children over the span of close to twenty years. It's a great book.

But life can read a bit "bookish" at times.

Do you see where the blue dog shouts, "Go around again!" in the picture? That's when this life feels bookish, the days going 'round and 'round. Only, unlike the excitement of a Ferris wheel ride, life spins sickeningly fast, excitement turning to nausea, and we simply want off the ride.

This grief journey began as a Tsunami, then quickly transitioned to a wicked roller coaster ride. The roller coaster ride eventually jerked to a stop and threw us out, only to land in line at the Ferris wheel. Life has become a series of "Go Around Again" stops:

Holidays 

- Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th of July, etc. Any family gathering where Matt is absent. 

Matt's birthday, May 2

- as well as my birthday, his dad's birthday, and his siblings' birthdays. Again, any event where Matt is absent.

Matt's death/life date (the day he physically died on earth, but stepped fully, completely ALIVE into heaven)
- July 29, 2011

These "stops" are rough, the jerk a painful transition. However, I've learned a few things that have helped with the Ferris wheel rotations. Perhaps the greatest, for me, has been to plan ahead for these significant "date stops." Whether it's spending the day at home in bed crying or getting out to participate in an activity to honor our son's memory, it has helped to have a plan. Either way, the dates suck, but having a plan provides purpose and the mild comfort, at least, of feeling in control of an event that is very much out of my control.

Matt's birthday is in two weeks, his 21st. We have a plan for the day. Our hearts continue to grieve deeply the loss of our son, but we are held by the truth that Matt is alive in heaven. This earthly life is temporary for all of us. Because of Jesus, we have hope and grieve with hope. Like Jesus, we endure because of the assurance of the joy that awaits. While we may "go around again" on the Ferris wheel of grief, we rest in the Grace that goes with us.

On Matt's birthday this year, his 21st, I'd like to give away 21 Mocha Frappes. Will you join me in remembering Matt? On May 2nd, would you send me a picture, post a reply, or email me with your story of how you blessed someone with a Mocha Frappe in memory of Matt and in celebration of his 21st birthday?